Perhaps you’ve noticed that some couples look remarkably alike. The same clothing style, the same hairstyles, the same facial expressions and sometimes even strikingly similar physical features. This seems to be particularly noticeable among lesbian and gay couples. Is it simply coincidence, or does something actually happen when people spend a long time together?
Physical resemblance between partners has been studied for some time. During a relationship, people can also start to resemble each other more in certain ways as a result of shared lifestyles, habits and so-called empathic mimicry: we unconsciously adopt certain behaviours and expressions from our partner. But this is not the only explanation.
A 2013 study showed participants images of their romantic partner’s face. The partner’s face was combined either with that of a stranger or with their own face. Both male and female participants rated the composite faces that incorporated their own features as the most attractive.
Zachary Zane, a sex and relationship expert for sex toy retailer Velvet Brands, says that resemblance can be a matter of attraction. Mitchell, an LGBTQ+-inclusive psychologist and founder of Emotions Therapy Calgary, said that resemblance can feel familiar before we even find someone attractive. As a result, people who look like us can feel particularly familiar and comfortable.
The phenomenon has been given the name ‘doppelbanger’, a queer dating term for people who are attracted to partners who look like them. There is no need to worry about dating someone who resembles you. That line only becomes blurred when someone becomes completely focused on finding a copy of themselves and ignores other qualities that are important in a partner.
The LGBTQIA+ community has plenty of other terms like this, describing couples who fall outside traditional relationship and gender roles. In a lesbian relationship, for example, people sometimes ask who the ‘man’ is, even though there isn’t one. Queer couples may also be more likely to move in together quickly, as is reflected in the term ‘U-haul lesbians’.
